30 Years

Have you ever noticed how people always seem to want what they don’t have? It must be part of the human condition. I was getting my hair cut the other day and there was this guy. He must have been about 40. He had sort of wavy light brown hair. It reminded me of my dad’s hair. He was complaining to the stylist that he just wanted straight hair. She told him that if she cut it a little shorter that it wouldn’t be wavy. But he didn’t want to wear it short. He actually wanted it longer but he didn’t want the wave. She was patient. I’m sure that a big part of her job is exercising this kind of patience.

That is the kind of business that specializes in catering to people who don’t want what they have and want what they don’t have. People with straight hair want wavy hair, those with curly hair often want it straight. A lot of people don’t like their hair color so they get into coloring it and having to keep up with their given color sneaking back out at the roots. When their hair begins to turn gray, they want to cover it so they can look younger. Ah, but those silver hairs keep showing up down below.

Many people wish they were taller, or shorter, more muscular or thinner. Some people change their eye color with contacts, whiten their teeth, go to tanning beds for that “healthy glow” (can you say melanoma?)

When I was not yet a teenager, I wanted to be old enough to drive. When I was a freshman in high school I wanted to be a senior, then I wanted to be in college, then I wanted to be 21. Many of us cling to 29 like it is the end of our youth. Then 39. Then 49. Now that I’m older I wouldn’t mind being as little younger. 49 actually looks pretty good to me from this perspective.

In a few days it will be our 30^th wedding anniversary. 30 years! I can’t really get my head around it. Heidi and I have been through so much together. We met when we were just 18. For me it was pretty close to love at first sight. 30 years. Our wedding day in Bloomington, IN was hot. The air conditioning didn’t work in the little chapel where we were married. It didn’t matter a bit. Our lives stretched endlessly into the distance. We were young. We had adventures ahead and love in our hearts.

30 years. Looking back I do not know where the time went.

Some people, a lot of people, wish for things to be different along the way. I think the divorce rate is around 50% in America. It may be even higher than that. And a lot of people who stay married aren’t very happy. Many of my friends who got married when we did are divorced. Maybe they are happy. I hope so.

There are some things about myself that I wouldn’t mind changing. The gray beard certainly makes me look my age. It would be cool if I didn’t have to wear glasses. I wouldn’t mind losing 10 pounds. But when I look at Heidi I am so glad that she is just the way she is. She is brilliant, and fair and thinks deeply about the world. She is spiritual in the best possible way and cares about social justice. She is selfless and giving and a wonderful, thoughtful, loving mother.

Her bright green eyes may have faded some over all these years. They still shine. She has a little silver running through her hair in the back. She wouldn’t color it. Her freckles have faded just a little, but they still make her unique and so incredibly beautiful. Her smile lines are deeper, but her smile – it still lights up a room. And it lights up my life.

30 years? The best part of those 30 years was that I was loved by Heidi Mills. I am so blessed.