Saturday, February 22, 2014

Plump? Juicy?

Sometimes false advertising is just so blatant, so in your face, so... wrong, that you have to speak out.

I was eating my Raisin Bran cereal the other day.  I went all out and bought the name brand because I was trying to get Heidi to eat a healthier breakfast.  I usually buy the store brand - formally known as "generic".  But Heidi would never try that.  So, I threw caution to the wind and bought the expensive stuff.  Yes, I love her that much.  It tastes pretty close to the same.

Hero image

Now if you eat cereal with any kind of fruit already in it, you know it's kind of gross.  There is no way to pack it in with a bunch of dried flakes and not have the moisture sucked out of it.

Different cereal companies have tried to figure ways around this problem.  Special K With "Red Berries", for example.  These RED BERRIES are freeze dried strawberries.  Not sure why they had to give them the mysterious alias.  They're crunchy.  They get a little mushy if they are stewed in your milk for a while.  They don't taste bad.  They just taste a little weird. Not much like fresh strawberries.  Maybe that's why they were given the RED BERRIES code name.  Not much like the real deal.

So when you pour raisin bran into your bowl, you don't expect them to be all soft.  You don't expect them to taste like the raisins right out of a box of SUN MADE raisins.  They're extra dehydrated. You know they are going to be hard and chewy- something like sweet little bits of leather, although they do sort of break down with enough chewing.

Kellogg’s Raisin Bran®

The classic, delicious balance of crispy, wheat bran flakes and plump, juicy raisins never ceases to make morning amazing.Visit

Here's the rub - how do they have the unmitigated gall to call them plump and juicy?  They are neither.  I get that if you advertised two scoops of hard leathery raisins you might not have many takers.  But plump and juicy are about as far from the facts as you can get.

I want to just ask, "In whose reality are these hard, chewy things sprinkled throughout my cereal bowl really plump or juicy?"  I realize that there must be a few molecules of water left in these raisin skins.

But plump?  Juicy?  No way.  Isn't there some governmental agency that oversees the careless use of adjectives in advertising?  Someone isn't doing his/her job.

Besides isn't the definition of a plump juicy raisin - a grape?

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