Friday, April 1, 2011

Darla vs. Nikki

(another new post below)

You must check out this scoop by The Daily Gamecock, USC's daily rag. This won't mean much to those of you outside of SC, but to those who know about the Nikki Haley vs. Darla Moore controversy, this is candy.

Darla buys Governor’s mansion

In $50 million purchase, business tycoon says house needs ‘fresh set of eyes’

Saucy Dawsey


South Carolina no longer has a governor’s mansion.

In a surprising purchase, business tycoon Darla Moore bought the historic downtown mansion for $50 million Thursday afternoon. The house marks her 68th property nationally and fifth inside the state.

“The house needs a fresh set of eyes,” Moore said in a statement. “The current inhabitant didn’t have the same vision for this house that I did. I believe in excellence in everything I do, and I wanted excellence for this house. I breed excellence, and those who do not breed excellence are the kind of people that I don’t care to be around.”

The house wasn’t up for sale, as it was a state-owned historic property that laws said the state couldn’t sell. But Moore found a little-known loophole in the law, convinced

the legislature to sell the house and flew in for the legal hearings in a three-hour period Thursday afternoon. She was back in her California mansion by 5 p.m.

It left current Gov. Nikki Haley scrambling to move her possessions out of the house. She will move into a one-bedroom apartment near Williams-Brice Stadium.

Haley didn’t return calls for comment, but her spokesman said the move represented her continuing desire for smaller government.

“We didn’t need this big house,” the spokesman said in a statement. “When a state is trying to go back to the basic tenets of government, it surely doesn’t need to fund a mansion. We thank Darla Moore for her continued service to this state.”

The spokesman said Haley would likely appear in an upcoming edition of a TLC apartment remodeling show and would consider writing a how-to book on downsizing.

Moore said she doesn’t plan to live in the house but will use it for an annual visit back to her home state. She will decorate the house

and build a $10 million personal shrine to each business school student who graduates from the University of South Carolina. Her estimated wealth of $685 trillion could run out within 126 years, according to current projections, but it’s unlikely.

Moore might also teach an occasional seminar inside the house on how to perfect a beautiful Southern accent and look stunning. She might also teach others how to give billions away.

She will bar all media members from the house.

Sources near Moore say she may be purchasing other properties soon. During last week’s visit to campus, she cast an adoring eye toward the Horseshoe. University leaders say they’d like to keep the historic Horseshoe but would sell if Moore wished to buy it.

“If Darla Moore wants the Horseshoe, who are we to say no?” said a well-dressed USC spokeswoman who refused to provide her name. “We believe in doing whatever Ms......

If you have really gotten this far, you probably realize this was a April's Fools Joke. Pretty good, hmm?


Chris Hass said...

Ha, I sniffed it out after the second line. Of course, had I not just spent an entire day of being "pranked" by transparent nine year olds my radar may not have been on high alert.

Emily Whitecotton said...

Sneaky, sneaky... Excellent attempt though. Kudos DG. I appreciate the fact that the USC spokeswoman was well-dressed and anonymous.